The Possum Incident (revised from November 19 2011)

Not even here a month yet and I've had my first dead opossum removed from beneath the trailer.  I should emphasize "first" because it has been pointed out that it will NOT be my last.  The whole experience has had it's pros and cons.  On the plus side, it did earn me some more fairly early T-cred.  It's another right of passage I guess.  I was eyed suspiciously while reporting it.  They stopped just short of accusing me of planting the rodent in order to earn the accompanying respect.  I assured them that it was not my doing and then I think I convinced them that there's no way I could have planted it when I started screaming "EEEWWWWWW!!!" and "ICKY!! ICKY!!" upon first seeing the carcass.  Another plus is obviously the common ground that I now have and can use during conversations.  I don't even have to lie now!!  On that note, I'm pretty sure my neighbors figured out that I don't have a UFO fearing, leash hating dog like I told them.  In my opossum panic excitedness, I let it slip that I had been out of town all week without arranging for dog-care.  It was also pointed out that my dog should have alerted me to the vermin's presence long before the bloating and bursting stages that it was eventually discovered in.  The final negative aspect, my dear friends, is the smell.  It was impressive.  There were zones of the trailer that would actually bring me to the verge of regurgitation.  I have to assume that this particular opossum was forced to take up residence beneath me after being expelled from his own community due to BO and poor overall hygiene.  May he rest in wretched, putrid horrifyingly smelly peace.

I didn't even need to pay an exterminator or any other professional.   I just paid a T-Park urchin $5 to scamper under there for it. He brought it out and told me to keep the $5 if he could keep the carcass. It worked out well for everyone.

Conversations and Social Events (revised from November 12 2011)

Well, I met a few neighbors here in the T-Park.  They seem nice enough.  It will take a little effort adjusting to trailer park conversing.  I'm learning that regardless of the initial subject, most conversations eventually make their way around to 1 of 3 recurring themes: "The G-damned government", the inconvenience of leash laws and alien abduction stories.  I foolishly brought up tornadoes right out of the gate and was quickly shut down by terrified and angry looks.  I've had to brush up on the other 3 subjects and I've made up a dog that stays in the house BECAUSE of the leash laws and my fears of his ending up on a flying saucer.  While it's all a farce, I think it's really helping me gain some significant respect points.

I've learned that there is no such thing as "respect" in a trailer court, it is referred to as T-cred. Also, when Tparkins refer to leash laws they could actually be referring to how far away from the trailer they can get before the ol lady screams at the top of her to get the f back on the porch and get f away from that f-ing bitch. This applies to man and dog alike. Thanks for the advice Larry!


Yes Cade, there ARE dues (lot fees) in the T-Park and they are NOT used for care of the fountains and green spaces and do not include the use of any on-premises tennis courts.   You are invited over any time and at your own risk.


I was invited to a tire fire my first weekend here.  It was disastrous.  I brought an old tire that I found beside the road.  It turns out that I was expected to bring one of the tires from my trailer.  This would have indicated my willingness to stay and be a committed member of the community.  I also brought Pabst Blue Ribbon.  Liquid America, right?  As true as that might be I was seen as putting on airs and showing off the fact that I am not on any government assistance.  My unwillingness to share in a communal bottle of Mad Dog or join in the burning diaper fight further added to my isolation.  I sneaked off back to my own trailer when the crowd was distracted by one of the many spousal beatings that took place that evening.


Life here is complicated and will take some adjustment.

T-Park Commerce

Trailers like mine are for minimum protection against the elements, neighbors or the prying eyes of the law or social services.  Many of them are being used to house precious mail order items and collections as well.  It’s pretty obvious from the scene at the mailbox shack every evening.   Unwanted mail is discarded there and packages are immediately opened for 2 reasons.  First, the less refuse that you actually take back to your trailer the fewer or less frequent trips you will have to make to the dumpster, so leaving as much packaging, wrapping or late bill notices at the mailbox trash can really help minimize time spent out-of-trailer.  Second, they are completely helpless against and excited about the “Exclusive TV Offers” they’ve taken advantage of and can’t wait to open their packages immediately and start showing off their latest purchase.  I see 3 or 4 people a day leaving the mailboxes wearing box-creased Snuggies and carrying armloads of microwave egg boiling pods and bullet blenders.  The major T-Cred building items like NASCAR memorabilia and any series of commemorative plate collections are treated with a certain reverence that usually warrants bringing a child-driven wagon.  The wagons are preferred over cars for such tasks so as to minimize the risk of losing one’s parking spot back at the trailer.  It’s amazing the amount of infomercial items that come in here each day.  It’s also amazing that everyone isn’t in better shape since I’m certain that there is probably a P90X package in 80% of the trailers.  I suspect it’s because that much of what’s received stays in the packaging to be used for bartering.  I was advised by a T-Park insider that if I don’t want to shovel any snow this winter or ever mow my yard all it will cost me is one unopened Legends of Talladega pewter chess set or ANYTHING Dale Junior related.  Speaking of him, I’ve learned that in the T-Park “Dale Junior” means affection, peace, compassion and mercy.  His name is routinely used as both a greeting as well as wishing someone farewell very similar to how Aloha is used in the Hawaiian Islands.  The first time I heard it was from a little boy of about 10 years old and I responded “Jeff Gordon” for fun.  Never have I seen so many tears produced so quickly.  I’m expecting a visit from his parents any day now.