Mower Parade "Running Of The Fools"

The push mower parade was a pretty unique event.  One that I hope is not a precursor of things to come.  It got under way well enough and looked like it could have been quite a procession, but discrimination and copious amounts of alcohol dashed the hopes of many shoeless toddlers lining the streets ready to cheer for their favorite Yard-Man or Murray.  I later heard that there were grumblings in the staging area when it was immediately apparent that the newly recognized self-propelled class thought they should lead the way since their mowers had a governed speed and would not be able to easily follow without wearing on their machine’s clutches with multiple stops and starts.  The well established manual push class wasn’t having any of that and began boasting about their authentic push mower superiority.  There was much yelling, chest pounding and 2 cycle motor revving, but the parade started anyway.  When they passed by my location, about halfway along the parade route I could sense tension among the ranks.  I guess once they were out of view around the corner was when the first mower deck was tilted back exposing the spinning blades in a threatening manner.  I was told by a very excited and inebriated first hand “witness” that soon there wasn’t a single mower on anything but its hind-wheels.  As angry and terrified mowers owners hurried passed us and back to their sheds, this man slobbered his way through a recounting of blades clashing in spectacular bursts of sparking metal and plastic wheels and air thick with obscenities, 32:1 mixture smoke and side-discharged mower parts, fingers and toes.  He claimed that one poor fellow lost his grip allowing the mower fall back on all 4 wheels, where it was quickly covered by the others like “fire ants on a grasshopper” with the owner scrambling away on his belly.  The scene he described was certainly a gruesome one.   I wanted to hear more, true or not, but he said he had to hurry home to wake up his “little cat catchers”, whatever that meant.  I have no doubt that the parade didn’t make it to the intended stopping point, but I doubt anyone was seriously injured.  Surely that would have brought a halt to the rest of the evening’s festivities, right?  I’m off to The Kahler Trailer to fetch my entrée for the Warm-N-Swap.