New Years bulletin

Just found this flyer in my parking spot. Might be worse than I imagined. I plan to keep you all updated throughout the evening of the 31st. 
Photo was grainy, sorry.  It reads:

Riverview Estates Annual 5th
New Years Eve
Party

6PM: Mower Parade and Review
**Self Propelled Class Added**

+Rat Tail Braiding for the kids!
+Microwave dinner Warm-N-Swap!
+Best New Tattoo of 2011 Contest! 

Betty Sue Whitley will be signing
autographs and take pictures starting
at 7:30 at the mailbox hut.
++ Known from her 2009 Inside Edition appearance
      about Kenny Chesney paternity suit!


 Mower parade?...from the condition of the lawns earlier this year, I'll bet there aren't 4 working mowers in the whole park!
Rat Tail Braiding?...Yes, of course there is, for the kids.  I hope that this is some kind of sting operation for DFS.
Warm-N-Swap?...Gotta be honest, this is a good idea.  I'll participate, but I'm going to insist on seeing expiration dates.  Gonna be alot of pot pies I'll bet.
Tattoo Contest?...With no contest to win, I guess that Charlie Daniels likeness across your wife's back would just look silly.
Betty Sue?...I'm intrigued.  Looking forward to it.

 Riverview Estates, huh?... Never would have guessed that one. Could be referring to the storm control overflow ditch down by the dumpsters I guess.